It’s amazing how time passes
slowly when you’re waiting for something.
It feels like I’ve known about this pregnancy for months, and it’s only
been 11 days. I’ve been so stressed out
lately about things you can eat,
whether certain symptoms are normal, etc. I’ve been having a tough time. I just want my first OB
appt and ultrasound to get here faster so I can see that there’s a heartbeat
and believe this is real. With these
lack of symptoms sometimes I wonder if there’s really anything in there.
I got so frustrated the other day,
it seemed like there wasn’t anything in the house I could eat- I couldn’t have
the pizza because of the toppings, the TV dinners I usually rely on supposedly
aren’t good to be eating on a regular basis, and it just sucks to have to
check every little thing you eat. And
then of course there’s the debate about whether eating peanuts during pregnancy
can cause your baby to develop an allergy.
I don’t think I could handle that, I really don’t. I’ve seen the difficulty first-hand with
other family members having a severe peanut allergy, and it’s so hard because
you have to be so vigilant and other people usually don’t always understand. To top it off, even though I don’t feel
nauseated, I don’t find food that appealing these days. I feel like I don’t eat enough, I’m just not
that hungry.
I go back and forth between
delight at this blessing and the feeling of terror that this little being is going to depend on us 24/7.
I’m sure Matt will be a fantastic father, but I worry that my OCD will
keep me from living up to my potential. I get so irritated with myself. I am so
grateful for Matt’s understanding, I don’t know what I’d do without him.
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