I could have sworn I felt movement
this morning, but only for a second. It
felt like something slimy (an eel or a fish) moving up against the wall of my
belly, kind of like how a cat rubs against your legs to snuggle (if that makes sense). But maybe it’s all in my
head. I definitely wasn’t focused on
trying to feel anything. The feeling was
enough to make me stop short though. It
definitely didn’t seem like gas or tummy rumbles. I’ve heard some moms say it feels like a
goldfish swimming around, which sounds about like this. So maybe!
It was definitely different than what I thought I felt a few weeks ago –
this was much more gentle. Matt laughed when I told him I'd been "snuggled by an eel".
I am so excited that we finally
have a date set for the anatomy scan – Feb 22nd! If baby cooperates we’ll be able to find out
the gender – I can’t wait! It’s going to
be hard to be patient for the next 3.5 weeks, and I am going to need some major
cheering up if baby doesn’t cooperate. I
think I’ll just make sure to eat a lot of sugar ahead of time so baby is hyper
– those Valentine’s candy hearts should do the trick. ;)
I have fun thinking about the
perks of having a girl vs. a boy. I’m
sure I will love this baby to pieces regardless of the gender, but it’s fun to
dream:
Girls~
It’s so much fun to shop for girl
clothes, and you get to relive your childhood re-watching Disney classics,
playing with Barbie’s, playing house and dress-up. You don’t get peed on when you change
them. Girls are so sweet and snuggly,
and want to copy everything you do.
Instead of watching little league games, you get to watch dance
recitals, and have sleepovers. They also
mature faster than boys, are more responsible, get into less trouble when they’re
young. I’m really close to my mom and
would look forward to having the same kind of relationship with my girl. As they get older they confide in your about boy
talk and you get to be very involved in their weddings & pregnancies. Girls are more likely to be present & care
for their parents as they age. But they
are expensive when it comes to paying for weddings and all the “stuff” girls
want. And OH, the teenage drama! And worrying about the intentions of the boys
they date. But if we have a girl my
heart will just melt because I just KNOW she’ll have Matt wrapped around her
little finger.
Boys~
Boys get into more trouble, but
they’re also no drama. And all boys love
their mommies and want to be just like daddy.
They are fearless, can be just as sweet and snuggly as girls when
they’re young (but they grow out of it too fast). Unfortunately you also get peed on when you
change them, and they seem to love to get dirty and messy. They’re also into all the things I don’t
really care about, like sports, cars, video games and superheroes. You do save a lot of money but not having to
pay for the wedding, not buying tons of clothes/shoes/going to the salon. And if you have girls later they’ll be the
protective older brother. They’ll have
less to deal with in terms of double-standards and glass ceilings in their
careers, and statistically have a higher salary just for being male. Boys will likely be interested in fixing
things/handiwork (that I’m terrible at) and are stronger and able to help lift
things, so you get more help with projects when they’re older.
On a more sober note, I am overwhelmed
with gratitude that God hand-picked us to be this child’s parent. I have wanted this so much, and been so afraid
it wouldn’t happen for us because I know many friends who have struggled to be
where we are. Some have had happy
endings, some have not (yet). Some have
struggled with loss, while others are still at the starting line. God doesn’t call all of us to be
parents. Why did He give me the
privilege? Not that I don’t think I’ll
be a good parent, but these friends who struggle would be just as good or
better parents. I wish I understood
God’s reasons for not blessing them with children, but I understand it is not
for me to know.
I wish I could do more than pray
for them. I wish I could comfort them
and reassure them that God will give them a baby soon, but of course I cannot. I feel guilty sharing my own pregnancy news
in such a public way, knowing that even though they are happy for me, no doubt my
joy reminds them of their sorrow. These
friends are so strong, they are my heroes.
I could not handle what they are going through. I don’t know how anyone could without God’s
help. I feel guilty for hoping for one
gender over another, or complaining about morning sickness, when I know there
are people who would give everything to have a healthy child of either gender,
or any child at all.
I wonder if parents know and
appreciate how lucky they are. So many
people these days battle infertility…so much money, time, energy and tears
spent in that process. Yet it comes so
easily to others. Some of whom end up
wasting their gift (either via abortion or negligence). I can’t help but grieve when I think of how
unfair it is. Those people don’t deserve
the privilege. Yet people that do
deserve to be parents are left with unanswered prayers.
I know we won’t be perfect parents
and will make many mistakes (as all of us do), but one thing is certain: this
child is an answer to our prayers, and I will appreciate this gift God has
given us even more, knowing just how precious it is. And we will raise our child to know and
worship Him, the Giver of every good gift.
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